Going Hat-less at Hummingbird

Proactive and Purposeful Self-Care

This is what happened when I chose myself over my “hats”.

 

What actually happens when we stop? Allow ourselves to be still?

This is the meaning behind the name Hummingbird – achieving stillness amidst the chaos. A hummingbird can stay perfectly still, while it beats its wings at over 200 times per second, just to hover and feed. In essence, a hummingbird gets exactly what it needs by creating its own version stillness.

So how do we create our own version of stillness?

It’s easy to say, but much harder to do… Proactive and effective self-care.

Here is my experience of what happened when I prioritised myself, engaged in purposeful self-care, and created my own Hummingbird-like stillness, during The Quiet Day.

Life is demanding.

As a mum-figure, mature student, and self-employed thirty-something, the busy demands of life often dictates that the opportunity to choose myself is rare.

In essence, I wear a lot of “hats”, and am regularly consumed of being something to others, rather than just being.

Functioning on a low battery is the norm, yet choosing self-care and prioritising myself feels unnatural.

Earlier in October, I chose to put my “hats” down, naked though it felt to do so, and after the school run, I walked into Woodlands Methodist Church for the Quiet Day, organised by St John’s Church in Knaresborough.

 

Health of working aged people is declining.

In a group of around twenty individuals at the Quiet Day, I found myself in the socio-economic minority; a working person who had chosen to take the day off.

According to The Health Foundation, as of 2023, 3.7 million workers aged between 16-64 have work-limiting health conditions. This has increased by 1.3 million since 2013. Declining mental health in the working population is the biggest contributor of this increase.

Herein lies the problem. The high demand, constantly available environments we are now encouraged to “thrive” in, just are not conducive to wellbeing. The big question is, where is the space? We can now binge TV series, scroll endlessly through social media, be uber-responsive and visibly so with WhatsApp read receipts, resulting in a societally imposed pressure to instantly reply.

How do we create this space? The essential stillness required to recharge, that doesn’t just come from sleep (of which is decreasing in quality due to ubiquitous stress contributors).

 

Elusive Space

I love the phrase “if something is important to you, you will make time for it”. Our actions say something about what our priorities are. As a parent, my actions show that kids come first, then work, then partner, then family… everything else… then me.

Someone then said to me, what would happen if you were ill, overloaded, burned out? The aforementioned hats would all fall to the ground, as would the plates that I was spinning, oh and the balls in the air. As for keeping my head above water… You get the picture.

So it stands to reason that making yourself a priority is in fact, essential. Make yourself the top priority.

This doesn’t mean to the detriment of everything and everyone else. But even choosing to do one thing a week just for yourself as a non-negotiable purposeful and proactive means of self-care, means that you can keep those plates spinning, balls in the air, and wear as many hats as required for longer.

The point is, you can’t devalue your needs. It does no-one any favours.

 

The Quiet Day.

The Quiet Day came at the perfect time.

The day fully recharged me, and I felt profoundly vibrant, well, balanced, and well, me again.

Sadly, it wan’t until after the event that I realised just how depleted I had become.

Rejuvinated, even three weeks later as I write this, I am keen to share my experience with you.

 

How the Day Worked.

After introductions and seated in a circle with a warming cuppa, Rev’d Lisa opened the day with a prayer. Anthea then clearly explained the itinerary. The Quiet Day consisted of two morning activities, of which there were three to choose from (Art, Nature, or Poetry), then a home cooked lunch, followed by an hour of Quiet, closing with a Celtic Communion (a short service, where we administer bread and wine to the person next to us).

Art was my first activity. A thoroughly enjoyable session of Calligraphy tuition and colouring. I loved it. I couldn’t remember the last time I had created something just for fun. We laughed, we shared, we all “had a go”. Being with people and creating connections was wonderful.

The second activity was Poetry. We were encouraged to wonder around the beautiful garden at Woodlands to help spark ideas for writing based on our observations. Out of nowhere, the word salad I had created became a coherent stream of consciousness, in the format and rhythm of a poem (thanks to expert guidance from our facilitator!).

For me, the morning became “Creative Therapy”.

At half-time, I was already beginning to feel restored; not only from the activities, but dare I say it, from engagement of fellowship, love and support.

Lunch consisted of homemade soup and a roll, and delicious cakes. This felt like a real treat – someone taking the stress away of planning yet another meal. In a household with a young family, this felt like an absolute luxury!

But the hour of Quiet after lunch… this is where the magic happened. There is no combination of words that I can use to express how profound this time was. Someone used the word “precious”. I agree – it was special; totally unique. Everyone experienced something different, but the verdict was in: unanimously, every person felt wonderful. Truly, it was a gift. Personally, this is where I deeply reconnected with me, my values, and priorities. In truth, it was a bit of a wake up call.

In my contemplation, reflection, solitude, I journalled, I looked at artwork around the building, and then I picked up a book. I opened it at a chapter titled “God doesn’t just want the “holy” bits of life”. For a while, I simply sat there, with my back propped up against the warm radiator, book in my lap.

 

The Effect.

I realised that there is no perfect combination of “hat wearing” that I can every do to be perfect: a perfect Reflexologist, a perfect parent, a perfect partner… perfection doesn’t exist. But I can be the best version of myself; and that comes from keeping me and my needs as a priority.

The effect of me prioritising myself by engaging with proactive self-care, meant that I could show greater resilience to deal with a demanding life, I had more energy to be the parent I want to be, my levels of frustration dropped. AND I slept like a baby.

All of this just from one day.

Writing this now, 3 weeks later, I’m still feeling revitalised from that day.

 

My Message to You

This is a long-winded way of saying, particularly to the working population, create your own space.

Look for opportunities of stillness.

• Make time for yourself.
• Remember that you are a priority.
• Create space to enrich and nourish your soul.

No Hats Needed at Hummingbird

Clients across the board say how valuable it is to “be” at Hummingbird.

In the warm, cosy, calm, treatment space, clients leave their “being and doing hats” at the door.

By actively putting these hats down, just for a while, each person has space to restore.

Each treatment is your time.

Whether you want to chat, rant, sleep, cry, laugh, use time at Hummingbird to nurture yourself.

Afterall, you made yourself a priority, so as well as a top quality treatment, you use the time to mentally, emotionally, and spiritually recharge.

After your treatment, the choice is yours. You can choose which, if any hats to put back on.

Your ability to make the choice that is right for you in this moment is strengthened by you having created the space for yourself.

Remember, the choice is always yours.